Must My Wannabe Influencer Pal Cease Using Me for Content?

The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She must to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic experiences, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?